If I Picked The Emmy Nominations 2007

I won't go into any detail this year. But as always, television is great. So much great work that deserves to be rewarded. To see last year's picks for Comedy and Drama, click the links.

Now on with this year's best of the best:

Best Comedy Series

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
The Office
Scrubs
30 Rock
Weeds

Runners-Up: Andy Barker, P.I., Campus Ladies, How I Met Your Mother, My Name Is Earl, Ugly Betty

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Desperate Housewives, Entourage, Everybody Hates Chris, Extras, Help Me Help You, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Notes From the Underbelly

Best Actress in a Comedy

Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

Runners-Up: Carrie Alzley (Campus Ladies), Tichina Arnold (Everybody Hates Chris), Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives), Sarah Silverman (The Sarah Silverman Program), Christen Sursin (Campus Ladies)

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives), Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives)

Best Actor in a Comedy

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Zach Braff, Scrubs
Steve Carell, The Office
Jason Lee, My Name Is Earl
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock

Runners-Up: Ricky Gervais (Extras), Thomas Lennon (Reno 911!), Josh Radnor (How I Met Your Mother), Andy Richter (Andy Barker, P.I.), Tony Shalhoub (Monk)

Runner-Up to the Runners-Up: Tyler James Williams (Everybody Hates Chris)

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy

Jenna Fischer, The Office
Mindy Kaling, The Office
Angela Kinsey, The Office
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Jamie Pressly, My Name Is Earl

Runners-Up: Melora Hardin (The Office), Ashley Jensen (Extras), Clea Lewis (Andy Barker, P.I.), Becki Newton (Ugly Betty), Kaitlin Olson (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Sarah Chalke (Scrubs), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother), Rachael Harris (Notes From the Underbelly), Judy Reyes (Scrubs), Nicollette Sheridan (Desperate Housewives), Phyllis Smith (The Office), Vanessa Williams (Ugly Betty)

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy

Justin Kirk, Weeds
John Krasinski, The Office
Stephen Merchant, Extras
Michael Urie, Ugly Betty
Rainn Wilson, The Office

Runners-Up: Harve Presnell (Andy Barker, P.I.), Jeremy Piven (Entourage), Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother), Paul Lieberstein (The Office), Jack McBrayer (30 Rock)

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Terry Crews (Everybody Hates Chris), Charlie Day (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), Donald Faison (Scrubs), Neil Flynn (Scrubs), Dule Hill (Psych), Glenn Howerton (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), Hamish Linklater (The New Adventures of Old Christine), Romany Malco (Weeds), Rob McElhenney (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), John C. McGinley (Scrubs), Eddie Steeples (My Name Is Earl)

Drama Series

Friday Night Lights
Lost
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Veronica Mars
The Wire

Runners-Up: Dexter, Heroes, The Nine, Rescue Me, The Shield

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Brothers & Sisters, Dirt, Gilmore Girls, Grey’s Anatomy, House, Nip/Tuck, The O.C., The Riches, The Sopranos, 24

Best Actress in a Drama

Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Calista Flockhart, Brothers & Sisters
Lauren Graham, Gilmore Girls

Runners-Up: Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls), Courtney Cox (Dirt), Edie Falco (The Sopranos), Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters), Evangeline Lilly (Lost)

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Ellen Pompeo (Grey’s Anatomy), Joely Richardson (Nip/Tuck)

Best Actor in a Drama

Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
James Gandolfini, The Sopranos
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Hugh Laurie, House
Michael K. Williams, The Wire

Runners-Up: Enrico Colontoni (Veronica Mars), Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck), Matthew Perry (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip), Kiefer Sutherland (24), Bradley Whitford (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip)

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Michael Chiklis (The Shield), Patrick Dempsey (Grey’s Anatomy), Matthew Fox (Lost), Eddie Izzard (The Riches), Denis Leary (Rescue Me), Dylan Walsh (Nip/Tuck)

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama

Lisa Edelstein, House
Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy
Adrianne Palicki, Friday Night Lights
Sarah Paulson, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Amanda Peet, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Runners-Up: Sandra Oh (Grey’s Anatomy), Sara Ramirez (Grey’s Anatomy), Patricia Wettig (Brothers & Sisters), Chandra Wilson (Grey’s Anatomy), Shannon Woodward (The Riches)

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Yunjin Kim (Lost), Elizabeth Mitchell (Lost), Mary Lynn Rajskub (24), Kim Raver (The Nine), Aimee Teegarden (Friday Night Lights), Emily VanCamp (Brothers & Sisters), Kate Walsh (Grey’s Anatomy)

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama

Zach Gilford, Friday Night Lights
Dave Annable, Brothers & Sisters
John Scurti, Rescue Me
Steven Weber, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Andre Royo, The Wire

Runners-Up: Jack Coleman (Heroes), Michael Emerson (Lost), T. R. Knight (Grey’s Anatomy), Rob Lowe (Brothers & Sisters), Frank Vincent (The Sopranos)

Runners-Up to the Runners-Up: Timothy Busfield (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip), Francis Capra (Veronica Mars), Dominic Chianese (The Sopranos), Jason Dohring (Veronica Mars), Jorge Garcia (Lost), Edward Herrmann (Gilmore Girls), Josh Holloway (Lost), Michael Imperioli (The Sopranos), Chi McBride (The Nine), Masi Oka (Heroes), Terry O’Quinn (Lost), Scott Patterson (Gilmore Girls), Jesse Plemons (Friday Night Lights), Scott Porter (Friday Night Lights), Matthew Rhys (Brothers & Sisters), Jim True-Frost (The Wire), Everybody else on The Wire

Can't Spell "Emmy" without ME!

Wow, coming three weeks early, the Emmys really snuck up on me this year. I still feel pretty clueless when it comes to predicting these awards, but I won't let that stop me from putting in my two cents:

Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series:
Will Win: Marc Buckland, My Name Is Earl, "Pilot"
Should Win: Marc Buckland, My Name Is Earl, "Pilot"
Potential Upset: Robert B. Weide, Curb Your Enthusiasm, "The Christ Nail"

Pilots do very well in the writing and directing categories. On top of that, Buckland did an excellent job of establishing Earl's unique tone and visual style, while guiding all the actors to narrowly walk the line between eccentric and cartoonish. He barely edged out the very deserving Michael Patrick King for my Should Win pick (though I'm still rooting for any recognition of The Comeback). I wouldn't count out Robert B. Weide, though. Curb Your Enthusiasm has been nominated in this category nine times in its last four seasons, with Weide winning once in 2003. Since the show is inelligible for writing honors, this is where the Academy likes to reward it. Curb is also the only Outstanding Comedy Series represented here. And depending on when voting took place, "The Christ Nail" may have provided a nice bit of Mel-mocking.

Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series:
Will Win: Alan Ball, Six Feet Under, "Everyone's Waiting"
Should Win: Alan Ball, Six Feet Under, "Everyone's Waiting"
Potential Upset: Jack Bender, Lost, "Live Together, Die Alone"

With seven nominees this year, this is one tough category to call (in the Will Win slot; Should Win's not even close). I feel pretty confident ruling out 24, though even that's not a sure thing. Big Love has the pilot thing going for it, but that's about it. The reigning champ, Lost, could get a consolation prize here after being snubbed in the Outstanding Drama Series category. Then there are the two dynasties with their very different track records. The Sopranos has lost all ten of its previous directing nominations (despite winning four Outstanding Writing awards in its first five seasons)... this year could make them 0 and 12. On the other hand, in the five previous years in which The West Wing was nominated, it won three. Mimi Leder has a gripping episode in "Election Day," though she could be hurt by it being Part 1 of a two-parter. Ultimately, I'm committing the cardinal sin of predicting the show I think deserves to win. But "Everyone's Waiting" was one of the most talked about (and praised) episodes of television this season and it seems that everyone who sees its emotionally-charged climax needs a box of Kleenex. This may also be the best place to honor a dearly departed Emmy favorite.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
Will Win: Steve Carell, The Office
Should Win: Jason Bateman, Arrested Development Jason Lee, My Name Is Earl Zach Braff, Scrubs Steve Carell, The Office
Potential Upset: Tony Shalhoub, Monk

Winning in this category this year is a bit like winning in a boycotted Olympics, what with three of the best performances not nominated. That being said, it will be quite a shock if anyone other than Carell picks up a Dundie Emmy. Then again, Shalhoub has a much showier episode submitted (and it's twice as long).

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series:
Will Win: Denis Leary, Rescue Me
Should Win: Kiefer Sutherland, 24
Potential Upset: Martin Sheen, The West Wing

Winning in this category this year is a bit like winning in a boycotted Olympics, what with Hugh Laurie not nominated. That being said, I think Leary may win thanks to an emotionally-packed and sympathetic episode submission. I haven't watched much Law & Order: SVU, but from what I hear, Christopher Meloni may pull a huge upset thanks to his one showboat episode. Then again, never bet against the Emmys' love for The West Wing. It's Martin Sheen's final chance to win, and this time, James Gandolfini can't take it away from him.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series:
Will Win: Jane Kaczmarek, Malcolm in the Middle
Should Win: Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback
Potential Upset: Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback

This is another tough one to call. It's a very tight three-way race between Kaczmarek, Kudrow and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, though I've learned to never bet against my arch-nemesis, Stockard Channing. I'm putting Louis-Dreyfus in third position only because she'll have another chance next year. Kudrow is incredible in The Comeback and an Emmy fave (for years, she was the only Friend nominated and she was the first to win), but The Comeback rubs a lot of people the wrong way. Kaczmarek has been nominated every year that Malcolm's been on, even when the show lost its buzz, and yet she's never won (unlike the other four nominees in this category, who've all won at least once). She finally has an episode this year that shows the softer side of Lois (though I wonder if she would've been better off submitting the series finale). The one thing that Kudrow and Louis-Dreyfus have over her is that they're the stars of their show (and in pretty much every scene) while Kaczmarek is part of an ensemble. Still...

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series:
Will Win: Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Should Win: Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under
Potential Upset: Allison Janney, The West Wing

I know I sound like a broken record, but this is another difficult race to call. Especially since I've never seen The Closer or Commander in Chief and haven't watched Law & Order: SVU in years. I think any of these five women could win. I'll give Sedgwick the edge just because her show had buzz and that buzz was all about her. Mariska Hargitay is said to have an Emmy-baiting episode like her co-star, Conroy is well-admired (the only Six Feet Under cast member to be nominated for each of its seasons) and was more sympathetic in the final episode and Geena Davis is a movie star. Then there's Janney, who has won before for episodes that showcased her skills much less. Like I said, any of them can win.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series:
Will Win: Bryan Cranston, Malcolm in the Middle
Should Win: Will Arnett, Arrested Development
Potential Upset: Jeremy Piven, Entourage

I see it as a two-way race between Cranston and Piven and I'm going way out on a limb to call it for Cranston. It's his final season, he's done consistently stellar work and his is by far the most likable character in this bunch (way more than Piven's). Yes, Piven has all the buzz, but my gut says to go with Cranston. I'll be absolutely thrilled if either he or Arnett wins.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series:
Will Win: Alan Alda, The West Wing
Should Win: Gregory Itzin, 24
Potential Upset: Gregory Itzin, 24

It's a toss-up between Alda and Itzin, but I'll give the edge to the Emmy veteran whose presidential candidate was far more likable than Itzin's more-buzzed about president.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series:
Will Win: Jamie Pressly, My Name Is Earl
Should Win: Jamie Pressly, My Name Is Earl
Potential Upset: Megan Mullally, Will & Grace

I don't know how anybody but Pressly could win, but then again, I don't know how Cheryl Hines and Alfre Woodard got nominated (nothing against them, they just didn't have much to do this year on their respective shows). Elizabeth Perkins could sneak in there for her biting performance, though it may be too biting. And even if it appears the Academy has finally fallen out of love with Will & Grace, I wouldn't be shocked by a Mullally win.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series:
Will Win: Jean Smart, 24
Should Win: Jean Smart, 24
Potential Upset: Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy

I wouldn't be upset if any of these women won, nor would I be shocked. But while Grey's was the buzz show this year, Oh's buzz came last year. This year, Smart was all the rage (literally), plus she's an Emmy favorite, she helped to make this the best year of 24 yet and she doesn't have a co-star to split her vote (though having voters see more of her episodes can't hurt Oh or Chandra Wilson). Also, without Stockard Channing in here, they've gotta give it to some First Lady.

Outstanding Comedy Series:
Will Win: The Office
Should Win: Arrested Development
Potential Upset: Two and a Half Men

Personally, it was a very tough call between The Office and Arrested Development in the Should Win category. If I were judging them purely based on the episodes and consistency from this season, I'd probably give a slight edge to The Office, but I just can't abandon Arrested Development (even if Fox and Mitchell Hurwitz can). The Office was definitely the hot comedy this year, and with good cause. The main reason I think there could be a Two and a Half Men upset is that I've heard anecdotal evidence that older people don't "get" The Office (and forget about Arrested Development, Scrubs and Curb Your Enthusiasm). Plus, the four single camera shows all have similar sensibilities and appeal, which could cancel each other out, leaving the much more traditional (and admittedly somewhat humorous) Two and a Half Men to anger elitists and TV critics everywhere.

Outstanding Drama Series:
Will Win: Grey's Anatomy
Should Win: 24
Potential Upset: 24

Grey's Anatomy and 24 both had highly buzzed about seasons. Grey's is the show that every woman seems to love while 24 is the show that no man can resist. In a time when many shows lost viewers, these two found more. Where Grey's pulls ahead is that it has sentimentality on its side. 24 suffers because voters only look at two episodes and if they haven't watched all 24, they may not get why this season was so great. Neither House nor The Sopranos has a shot, but never, ever count out The West Wing - especially when it had such a stellar final season, packed with great submission episodes.

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program:
Will Win: Project Runway
Should Win: Project Runway
Potential Upset: The Amazing Race

The Amazing Race is the only show to ever win in this category, but this year it has a more fierce foe than any it has ever faced: Its own Family Edition. On top of that, everybody loves Project Runway... even people like me who couldn't care less about fashion. The show has the most creative challenges, the best casting and Tim Gunn. How can it not win?

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series:
Will Win: Greg Garcia, My Name Is Earl, "Pilot"
Should Win: Chuck Tatham, Jim Vallely, Richard Day and Mitchell Hurwitz, Arrested Development, "Development Arrested"
Potential Upset: Michael Schur, The Office, "Christmas Party"

When in doubt, I go with the pilot. And I'm in a lot of doubt. Arrested Development has won in this category the past two years and could easily win again for tying up the show in style despite short notice and an uncertain future (though for those who didn't follow the series religiously, it could be quite baffling). "Christmas Party" was a great episode and demonstrated The Office's snappy writing. But when in doubt, I go with the pilot.

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series:
Will Win: Shonda Rhimes, Grey's Anatomy, "It's the End of the World" & "(As We Know It)"
Should Win: Alan Ball, Six Feet Under, "Everyone's Waiting"
Potential Upset: Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, Lost, "The 23rd Psalm"

Another category where anybody can win. As I indicated above, The Sopranos has only lost (to another show, anyway) in this category once. However, I'd say "Members Only" is the weakest of this batch - only its final minute was really compelling. Personally, I'd have gone with "Join the Club." As with the Outstanding Directing category, Lost could get a consolation prize here as the Eko-centric "The 23rd Psalm" was truly one of the best episodes of the season. Then there's the Six Feet Under finale, which I've praised enough already (but not really). Finally, there are the two Grey's Anatomy episodes (actually, three if you count both parts of Rhimes' entry). In the Writing categories, I believe having multiple entries actually bodes well, rather than splitting votes. My personal preference between the two would be "Into You Like a Train," but Rhimes' post-Super Bowl two-parter was the real attention-grabber.

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
Will Win: Late Night With Conan O'Brien
Should Win: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Potential Upset: The Late Show with David Letterman

If voters base their votes on their overall favorite, it's between The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (with the slight edge given to The Daily Show). However, if they're basing it purely (or mostly) on the episode submitted, I'm going out on another limb to predict a the first ever win for Conan. The episode where he went to Finland was one of the funniest, most entertaining hours of television all season - late night or primetime. Letterman runs a very close second with his classy, charming and of course funny "Super Bowl of Love" featuring Oprah Winfrey. It's another four-way race, but I'm tentatively betting on the Emmy host.

Previously, on The Dish: New Rules, If I Picked The Emmy Nominations 2006: Drama, If I Picked The Emmy Nominations 2006: Comedy, Flipping Coins and Throwing Darts

Street Fighter II

Mayor Cory Booker, star of the truly excellent Oscar-nominated documentary Street Fight, is apparently also an action hero:

Mayor Booker and his guards left Newark’s City Hall around 12:30 p.m. yesterday for a meeting and stumbled upon what appeared to be a confrontation across the street: a police officer and a man in a standoff on Broad Street. The officer held a gun and the man wielded a pair of scissors...

When a nearby police officer went to help him, the man tried to stab the officer with the scissors, but missed, Mr. Booker said. The officer drew his gun as the suspect was running away.

Mr. Booker, 37, who played tight end on Stanford University’s football team, said, “I took off my jacket and gave chase.”

...When Mr. Booker reached the group, he began shouting at the robber: “Not in our city anymore! These days are over!”

And that's not all! He's got gang leaders plotting to assasinate him! Quick, somebody get Vin Diesel to play him in the movie:


Mayor Cory Booker is fast and furious

For those of you who haven't seen Street Fight, there aren't many options. It barely got a pre-Oscar theatrical release last February (five days on just two screens), it's not available on Netflix or Amazon and PBS' POV - which originally broadcast it last July - has no future airings scheduled. With the exception of the occasional festival screening, it looks like the only way to see this riveting film is to plunk down $14.95 (plus shipping & handling) to order a DVD from director Marshall Curry's official website. Which, if you split it with a friend, is cheaper than a night out at the movies.

New Rules

Memo to the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences: Never again. Never again.

Well, the new voting procedures certainly shook things up, giving critics of the Emmys exactly what we’ve asked for – a changing of the guard. Unfortunately, the replacements are, for the most part… well, I’ll get to that in “The Bad.” But first (to quote Julie Chen)…

The Good

The voters on the comedy panel apparently were under the impression that “comedy” meant comedy. Many of the “shocking” omissions in the three categories voted on by panels (Best Series, Best Actor and Best Actress) are shows that are heavier on drama than laughs: Desperate Housewives, Weeds, Entourage. In the acting categories, where actors submitted one episode, I have a feeling that snubbed actors like Zach Braff, Eric McCormack, Marcia Cross, Lauren Graham, Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman, Eva Longoria and Mary-Louise Parker may have bowed to conventional awards wisdom – that drama gets more respect than comedy – and sent in episodes highlighting their more dramatic sides. While many of those omissions fall under “The Bad,” I do like that comedies that are at least trying to be funny are being recognized.

Which of course leads me to the third best news of the morning: Desperate Housewives snubbed. Big time. I thought maybe there’d be some backlash against this weak season (which in my opinion was no worse than the first), but never in my wildest dreams did I expect anything like this. No Best Comedy Series, no Writing, no Directing and most shocking of all, not a single Best Actress in a Comedy nod. Wow. The only “above the line” nom they got was for one-season-and-out Alfre Woodard, who was great with what she had to work with… which wasn’t much.

The second best news: Lisa Kudrow nominated for Best Actress. I was worried voters unfamiliar with the show might be turned off by its cringe factor, but they came through with a much deserved nomination for Kudrow. Take that, HBO!

The very best news, and perhaps an even bigger shocker than the Desperate Housewives shutout: Will Arnett. Best Supporting Actor nominee. I had to read that three times to make sure it was true.

South Park once again submitted a great episode in “Trapped in the Closet” (though I would’ve gone with the two-part “Cartoon Wars”).

Alan Ball nominated for Writing and Directing the beautiful series finale of Six Feet Under.

Sean Callery’s music for 24 was noticeably more dynamic this season and I’m glad the Emmy voters recognized that.

Turns out Thief was a miniseries. At least Andre Braugher racks up another real Emmy nomination.

Arrested Development goes three-for-three with Best Comedy Series nominations, Scrubs repeats from last year and The Office makes its debut. The three best comedies on television, all nominated.

The West Wing goes seven-for-seven with Best Drama Series nominations and 24 goes five-for-five.

All five Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series nominees and Outstanding Writing for Variety, Music or Comedy Program nominees (which are the same in both categories: The Colbert Report, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Late Show with David Letterman and Real Time with Bill Maher).

My Name is Earl and Lost may not have scored Best Series nominations, but they both scored Writing and Directing honors. Arrested Development and The Office each scored Writing nominations.

I’m also excited for: Steve Carell, Kiefer Sutherland, Jane Kaczmarek, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Frances Conroy, Bryan Cranston, Gregory Itzin, Alan Alda, Jaime Pressly, Elizabeth Perkins, Chandra Wilson, Jean Smart, Stephen Colbert, David Letterman, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, The Amazing Race, Project Runway and Survivor.

Stockard Channing wasn’t nominated for her cameosupporting role on The West Wing.

The Bad

In Outstanding Music and Lyrics, Robert Smigel’s catchy “Christmastime for the Jews” from Saturday Night Live was unjustifiably snubbed.

Kevin James? Really? I’ve only seen a handful of episodes of King of Queens, but Kevin James? This is the flaw in the new voting rules. Under the old system we had Jason Bateman and Zach Braff. Under the new one, Kevin James. And I figured Jason Lee was a lock this year.

Again, I don’t watch Law & Order: SVU, but Christopher Meloni? Is he that good? And though I’ve always liked Peter Krause and Martin Sheen, they’ve had more to do in other seasons. Denis Leary’s fine, but not even in the same league as Hugh Laurie (or James Gandolfini, for that matter). Laurie’s omission is pretty shocking, though I must admit I had my doubts when Tom o’Neil reported that Laurie had submitted “No Reason.” He gets to stretch a lot in that episode, but the whole it-was-all-a-hallucination season finale was quite polarizing and may have turned off voters. I know it turned me off.

I know I said she didn’t belong in the Lead Actress category, but how could you watch Edie Falco’s work in “Join the Club” and not give her an award? At least she has a couple of statues at home, but what about Jennifer Garner? Now she’ll never take home an Emmy for one of the great roles in television history.

I was worried the one episode only system would hurt Lost and that’s exactly what happened. It probably wouldn’t have hurt last year, if they’d submitted the pilot, but by now the show is so convoluted that it’s impossible to just arrive in the middle and immediately recognize its brilliance. What a shame. The new rules can’t be blamed for keeping Lost’s fantastic ensemble out of the Supporting categories. That’s probably more a matter of them all canceling each other out.

Come Emmy time, I can’t always remember which guest actors were worthy of notice, but this year there were a few. And they were shut out. On Grey’s Anatomy, I found Monica Keena’s turn as a patient connected to a stranger by a pole more impressive than Christina Ricci’s nominated performance. And Gina Torres was phenomenal on The Shield. I almost forgot one of my favorite guest spots of the season: Michael Cera on Veronica Mars. On the Comedy side, it would’ve been nice to have seen some of the My Name is Earl guest stars like Kathryn Joosten, Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi. And my love for Carol Burnett trumps my loathing for Desperate Housewives.

There are better shows than House and Grey’s Anatomy (how Six Feet Under couldn’t top both with “Everyone’s Waiting” is beyond me), but there are also worse.

After a promising start, this was really a lackluster season of The Sopranos. Still, with only one episode to go on, its awkward pacing, storylines that go nowhere and anticlimax couldn’t work against it.

And The What The !@#$ Were They Thinking?

Is there any connection between Three Days in September and Two Days in October, both nominated for Exceptional Merit in Nonfiction Filmmaking? Or is that just some weird coincidence?

American Idol’s Finale was nominated for Outstanding Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program? Sure, that was two of the most entertaining hours on television all season, but only because it was such a monumental train wreck of astronomical proportions. If aliens showed up and were told that was one of the highest-rated broadcasts of the year, they’d get back in their spaceships and turn around. It was an embarrassment of embarrassments. Two words: Meat Loaf. Three more words: Clay Aiken wannabe. Yes, I loved every second, but I could say the same for From Justin to Kelly and you wouldn’t nominate that for a freaking Oscar, would you?

And it wouldn’t be a “And The What The !@#$ Were They Thinking?” without… Stockard !@#$ing Channing! As the Emmy-nominated Will Arnett would say, “Come on!” I appreciate that she wasn’t nominated for The West Wing, but Out of Practice? I never saw it, but she couldn’t have been better than Lauren Graham, Mary-Louise Parker, Marcia Cross and Tichina Arnold. What does this woman have to do to NOT get nominated? A show on The WBThe CW?

Previously, on The Dish: The Good, The Bad and The Emmy, Anti-Em, Anti-Em

If I Picked The Emmy Nominations 2006: Drama

I watch pretty much every comedy series that’s critically acclaimed or beloved by The Emmys (except for Two and a Half Men, which I only watch from time to time). The drama series? Not so much. There are just too many to keep up with. So here are some of the dramas that I don’t watch and thus won’t be handing out fake Emmy nominations to: The 4400, Battlestar Gallactica, C.S.I., C.S.I.: Miami, C.S.I.: NY, The Closer, Commander-in-Chief, E.R., Everwood, Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Medium, N.C.I.S., Over There, Rome and Without a Trace. I’m sure they’re all fine shows (except for Rome, which try as I might, I just couldn’t get into), but don’t I watch enough TV? In addition, I only caught a handful of episodes of Boston Legal this season so I don’t feel comfortable putting any of its fine actors in my top fives.

I’m currently making my way through the first season of Huff on DVD. Having not seen any of the episodes eligible for nomination this year, I’m declining to include it in any categories. However, if it maintains similar level of quality in its second season, I would hypothetically list the series, Hank Azaria and Oliver Platt as a Runners-up and (the unfairly overlooked) Paget Brewster and Blythe Danner as top five contenders in Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress respectively.

Enough disclaimers. On with the awards…

Best Drama Series

24 – Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, after the phenomenal fourth season, it went and got better! This was the most consistently thrilling day of 24 yet and probably the show I looked forward to most every week.

Lost – During this show’s inaugural season, I sometimes wondered if the writers were just ambling along blindly with no endgame in their sights. While those concerns still pop up from time to time, I’m more confident now that there is a plan in place, especially after cool pay-offs like finally seeing the other side of Boone’s radio transmission from the first season. Something else that’s remarkable about this show is how it introduced so many new characters that quickly became favorites (I think I’m the only person in the world who liked Ana-Lucia). The only downside of that is that I began wanting to see less of some of the original castaways. Still, one of the most compelling and entertaining shows on television.

Six Feet Under – The final season started out a little shaky, but boy did it end in perfect style – fitting for a series all about The End. I’m not ashamed to admit that twice this season, Six Feet Under caused a salty liquid to spew forth from my eyes: Throughout pretty much the entire hour of “All Alone” I was a wreck and then during the finale’s beautiful and poetic montage, I just bawled. Both times I was caught off guard by how much I cared about these characters. So few shows end as deftly as this one. For that alone (and for utterly devastating me), it deserves a nod.

Veronica Mars – This slot was a bit of a toss-up and any of the three FX shows below could’ve easily slid in here instead. Don’t get me wrong. I really like Veronica Mars. Heck, I think I even like like Veronica Mars. It’s just that every time I was getting into the overall season-long mysteries of year two, the show would lose momentum – either thanks to the writers’ plotting or the UPN’s start-and-stop scheduling. Still, a highly enjoyable series with clever writing and gifted acting that I found myself looking forward to more and more. I can’t wait to see what they do with Season 3.

The West Wing – Another great series that went out with great style. While the two-shows-in-one format could be frustrating at times (all along I kept wishing the show would do better in the ratings so NBC might do a spin-off and give it two hours each week), it’s hard to complain about a season as thrilling as this one. Of all the series that went off the air this year, The West Wing and Arrested Development are the ones I mourn the most.

Runners-up: Alias, Nip/Tuck, Rescue Me, The Shield

And the Second Tier: Big Love, Grey’s Anatomy, House, Prison Break, The Sopranos

Best Actress in a Drama

Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars – Whip-smart comedy. Heart-wrenching drama. Is there nothing this girl can’t do?

Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under – For the first four seasons, I usually found Conroy to be grating and one-note. But during the final run, something changed – either in me or in her. She was softer, more human (how many actresses have I said that about so far?). Suddenly, I really liked Ruth. Conroy had some fantastic moments to play and she more than rose to the occasion, demonstrating great range.

Edie Falco, The Sopranos – If I Picked The Emmy Category Submissions, I would send Falco to the Supporting Actress bracket. Overall, Carmela really hasn’t had much to do over the past two seasons. Granted, she’s not in Lorraine Bracco territory yet, but that whole spec house business? Feh! However, since this is the official category to nominate her in, this is where I nominate her. And she must be nominated, if only (and really, only) for the episodes when Tony was in the hospital. Falco stripped Carmela down, physically and emotionally, and just blew me away. I only wish she could’ve been given more to do throughout the season.

Jennifer Garner, Alias – Her series may have had more ups and downs than a game of Chutes and Ladders, but Garner was always the cat’s pajamas and the bee’s knees. Watching the series’ final stretch, when it returned to the exciting cliffhangers and mythology of its first season, really made me long for what could’ve been if it had stayed true to that for all five seasons. But back to Garner… She’s super.

Jeanne Tripplehorn, Big Love – She’s the heart and glue of the Henrickson family and the show. Tripplehorn’s performance makes it all seem almost… normal.

Runners-up: Kim Raver (24), Joely Richardson (Nip/Tuck)

And the Second Tier: Allison Janney (The West Wing), Ginnifer Goodwin (Big Love)

Best Actor in a Drama

Andre Braugher, Thief – Not sure if this counts as a series or a mini-series, but Braugher could act in an infomercial and I’d give him a fake Emmy. Hell, he could appear on Desperate Housewives and I’d give him a fake Emmy.

James Gandolfini, The Sopranos – In between heavy breathing, he did some wonderful acting… as usual.

Hugh Laurie, House – If it weren’t for his performance, there’d be no reason to watch this show. I can’t think of any other series on the air I could say that about. He’s just that good.

Julian McMahon, Nip/Tuck – This wasn’t the lurid soap’s best season and I don’t know if it was residual antipathy from The Fantastic Four or the somewhat weaker than usual writing, but I wasn’t quite as enamored with McMahon’s performance as I’ve been in the past. That being said, he’s still pretty fantas— awesome.

Kiefer Sutherland, 24 - Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun. Jack Bauer’s calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it. There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland… Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Runners-up: Michael Chiklis (The Shield), Patrick Dempsey (Grey’s Anatomy), Michael C. Hall (Six Feet Under), Peter Krause (Six Feet Under), James Spader (Boston Legal), Dylan Walsh (Nip/Tuck)

And the Second Tier: Denis Leary (Rescue Me), Bill Paxton (Big Love), Martin Sheen (The West Wing)

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama

Yunjin Kim, Lost – She didn’t have as many great moments this season as she did last season, but when Sun thought she’d lost Jin… Kim was excellent.

Mary Lynn Rajskub, 24 – She brings a small dose of humor to the otherwise deadly serious 24 without ever seeming out of place. This season, we got to see new sides of Chloe in her relationships with skeevy men and her friendship with Edgar.

Jean Smart, 24 – A most welcome addition to the 24 family. But I still miss Shohreh Aghdashloo.

Mae Whitman, Thief – Again, not sure if this is a mini-series or not, but who cares? Whitman proved she could be much more than EggAnn in this very challenging role. She’s definitely a young actress to watch.

Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy – At first she seemed destined to be a one-note character, but Wilson has shown great depth and range. Motherhood definitely agrees with her performance.

Runners-up: Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under), Diane Farr (Rescue Me), Rachel Griffiths (Six Feet Under), Janel Moloney (The West Wing), CCH Pounder (The Shield), Callie Thorne (Rescue Me)

And the Second Tier: Candice Bergen (Boston Legal), Melinda Clarke (The O.C.), Michelle Rodriguez (Lost), Amanda Seyfried (Big Love), Cynthia Watros (Lost), Grace Zabriskie (Big Love)

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Lost – Mr. Eko just came and stole the whole show. Pretty incredible.

Gregory Itzin, 24 – The president you love to hate. As opposed to the one you just hate.

Louis Lombardi, 24 – Of all the many characters whose clocks have run out, Edgar’s death was the first to hit me on a really emotional level. Oh, Edgar!

John Scurti, Rescue Me – In the second season, he really emerged as a three-dimensional character. Still funny (unlike most of the Rescue Me characters who just think they’re funny), but Scurti’s Lou also showed pathos and heart, becoming a standout in the cast.

Bradley Whitford, The West Wing – He probably should’ve swapped with Martin Sheen this season and taken the Lead Actor slot, seeing as how he was the lead this year. Getting Josh out of the White House and into a relationship with Donna gave Whitford a chance to really invigorate his performance.

Runners-up: Alan Alda (The West Wing), Michael Emerson (Lost), Jorge Garcia (Lost), Josh Holloway (Lost), Stacy Keach (Prison Break), James Morrison (24), Terry O’Quinn (Lost), Richard Schiff (The West Wing), Jimmy Smits (The West Wing), John Spencer (The West Wing)

And the Second Tier: Victor Garber (Alias), Daniel Dae Kim (Lost), T.R. Knight (Grey’s Anatomy), William Shatner (Boston Legal), Isaiah Washington (Grey’s Anatomy), Forest Whitaker (The Shield)

Previously, on The Dish: If I Picked The Emmy Nominations 2006: Comedy

If I Picked The Emmy Nominations 2006: Comedy

I’m generally an agreeable guy, but whenever someone says that there’s nothing good on TV, I want to punch them in the face. Aside from being a horribly pretentious, cliché and uninformed thing to say, it’s simply not true. Never has this been more apparent than when I started compiling my “If I Picked the Emmy Nominations” nominations. Also never more apparent: My complete and utter lack of life. I watch way too much TV. But that’s only because there’s so much great stuff on TV.

We’ll see if the Emmys’ new voting procedures reflects this or not. I think they could either result in many fresh, deserving shows being recognized or they could keep serialized shows like 24, Lost and Arrested Development from landing nominations. One glaring problem (as evidenced by the rumored semi-finalist list Tom O’Neil has compiled over at The Envelope): The Best Series categories should be winnowed down to 15 slots (instead of 10) while the Acting categories should get narrowed to 10 slots (instead of 15). There are plenty of great shows still absent from the shortlist while the Acting categories seem heavily padded with deadweight (Kevin James? Kevin Connelly? Adrian Grenier? Omar Gooding? Leah Remini? Jenna Elfman? Reba McEntire? Stockard Channing?!?!). That's probably because the best shows are ensemble pieces. If they start doing these preliminary rounds for Supporting Actors, then they'll need at least 15 slots.

Here at The Pop Culture Petri Dish, voting procedures are the same as they’ve been the last two years (as are the disclaimers). So, without further ado, If I Picked the Emmy Nominations…

Ever since Friends, Frasier and Sex and the City went off the air, critics and audiences have been bemoaning the death of television comedy. A year ago, I might’ve been inclined to agree with them. I could barely scrape together five nominees for Best Comedy. What a difference a year makes. I had no less than a dozen shows seriously contending for nominations as Best Comedy. I would feel comfortable putting any one of those 12 in the top five. In addition, there were nine other series in the next tier – not my favorites, but all quality shows. Several of them are freshman series that have potential (like The Office did) to really grow in their sophomore seasons.

Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise – Television comedy is alive and well (even if three of my top five comedies are dead).

Best Comedy Series

Arrested Development – Of its two and a half seasons, this half season was the show’s “weakest.” However, Arrested Development’s “weakest” episodes are better than just about anything else on television. What else is there to say about this show? This series’ brilliance will be sorely missed.

The Comeback – I think a large part of my love for this show came about because nobody else was showing it any love. I don’t think I read a single positive review until it was wrapping up its first (and ultimately only) season and was on the verge of cancellation. Then, from out of nowhere, the critics who had dumped on it when it first premiered started lavishing praise. But it was too late. The show itself – Horribly uncomfortable and yet utterly compelling and hilarious; a very clever (more clever than it had to be) send-up of such easy targets as reality TV, sit-coms and Hollywood egos.

The Office – I never bought into the cult of the original BBC version of The Office. I watched every episode, but I never saw in it what so many others did. I liked the style and the performances, but found the humor overly dry and redundant (no pun intended). Even with only 12 episodes total, it felt like they ran out of story. When the American version premiered last mid-season, I liked it better than the original but wasn’t blown away. Then, like most people, I found the second season to be an exponential leap forward. The development of the supporting-supporting cast, the Jim & Pam romance and the overall tone of the show was astounding. I quickly fell in love with this show and its characters. With Arrested Development gone, this has become my favorite comedy currently on TV.

Scrubs – This show has been great for five seasons now. Quality has fluctuated a tad throughout, but it’s never dipped far, which is pretty remarkable considering that “quirky” series like this usually have a short shelf life (see Ally McBeal). It also features one of the most criminally-ignored ensembles on television.

Stella – What an odd, wonderful surprise this show was last summer. It featured an absurd type of humor unlike anything else out there. What it lacked in character development and story it more than made up for in sheer comic lunacy. I don’t know why Comedy Central isn’t bringing it back, but at least they’re putting a DVD out later this year.

Runners-up: Gilmore Girls, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Malcolm in the Middle, My Name is Earl, Reno 911!, Sons & Daughters, Weeds

And the Second Tier: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage, Everybody Hates Chris, Free Ride, How I Met Your Mother, The Loop, Love Monkey, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Will & Grace

Best Actress in a Comedy

Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives – Always my favorite Housewife, Cross stood head and shoulders above her co-stars this season and really shined. I won’t let the fact that she should be nominated as Best Actress in a Drama work against her.

Lauren Graham, Gilmore Girls – It was hard not putting Gilmore Girls in my Best Comedy Series top five, but this season was just a little too uneven compared to the series that made it through. However, no matter what’s going on with the show, Graham is always in top form. If anything good comes out of the Emmys’ new voting, it’d be Graham squeezing past some of those Housewives.

Jane Kaczmarek, Malcolm in the Middle – In the past I’ve found her performance to be shrill, one-note and overrated. Yet in the last two seasons, Kaczmarek (along with the writers) have given Lois more dimensions and shading and dialed back her shrillness. What clenched this fake nomination for her was the touching, pitch-perfect backyard speech she gave in the show’s finale. One of the great moments on television this season.

Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback – The most amazing thing about this performance is that Kudrow made you forget Phoebe Buffay. Her Valerie Cherish was nothing like the character she portrayed on Friends for ten years. Also incredible was how Kudrow played Valerie like a dual role – the performer who’s always “on” and the woman who forgets or doesn’t realize that the camera is on. Yet both characters were equally sad and funny and 100% believable. I would’ve loved to have seen what Kudrow would’ve done with a second season in Valerie’s heels.

Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds – This spot was a toss-up between Mary-Louise Parker and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, but ultimately the extra dimensions Parker had to play gave her the slight edge. She played the comedy and the drama of her character with equal dexterity.

Runners-up: Tichina Arnold (Everybody Hates Chris), Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine), Debra Messing (Will & Grace)

And The Second Tier: Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives), Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives), Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives), Gillian Vigman (Sons & Daughters)

Best Actor in a Comedy

Jason Bateman, Arrested Development – He deserves a thousand Emmys for his work the last two and a half seasons. It can’t be easy being the relatively grounded center of the insane Bluth family. But he’s no straight man; Michael Bluth can be quite self-absorbed himself and Bateman’s bone-dry delivery cracks me up. I think I’ll miss him most of all.

Zach Braff, Scrubs – A part of me has wanted to hate him ever since he became a rock star auteur with Garden State (that’s just how I am), but damned if he doesn’t make it impossible with his consistently excellent work on Scrubs. He also deserves a Best Director nomination for the wonderful Wizard of Oz-obsessed episode of Scrubs.

Steve Carell, The Office – A perfect boob.

Jason Lee, My Name is Earl – What a fun and instantly iconic character Lee (and Greg Garcia) created. Though he could’ve easily become a thin caricature or redneck stereotype, Earl is neither, thanks in large part to Lee. I’ve never been a huge fan of his before – often I found him obnoxious – but with Earl, Lee brought something missing from most of his big screen performances: Heart.

Josh Radnor, How I Met Your Mother – If The Envelope’s list is to be believed, Radnor didn’t even make the cut of 15, which just seems wrong. In a cast full of more recognizable faces, this newcomer still managed to own the show. He’s sincere and incredibly likable, which shouldn’t translate to funny, but he’s that too. The perfect lead for a romantic comedy like How I Met Your Mother.

Runners-up: Fred Goss (Sons & Daughters), Thomas Lennon (Reno 911!)

And The Second Tier: Tom Cavanagh (Love Monkey), Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm), Eric McCormack (Will & Grace), Tony Shalhoub (Monk)

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy

Kelly Bishop, Gilmore Girls – Every year, Bishop makes Emily Gilmore a little more human and real. She did some of her finest work ever on that airplane in "The Prodigal Daughter Returns."

Jenna Fischer, The Office – If I could be stranded on an island with one TV character this year, it would be Pam. But that’s not why Fischer deserves an Emmy. Her Pam is such a complete and real person and her comedy comes from that place. Plus, I’m in love with her.

Jamie Pressly, My Name is Earl – Such a fun, unique character. Anytime she’s onscreen, she injects the scene with a new, crazed energy.

Judy Reyes, Scrubs – It feels wrong not to put Sarah Chalke here too, but it seems like every year Elliott has less and less to do on the show. Reyes, meanwhile, had some great stuff to play this season with Carla getting pregnant and as always she was fantastic.

Jessica Walter, Arrested Development – It’s impossible to imagine Walter as anything other than Lucille, so when I see her in interviews as herself, it’s always quite jarring. She just makes it look so effortless. I think I’ll miss her most of all.

Runners-up: Sarah Chalke (Scrubs), Portia de Rossi (Arrested Development), Kerri Kenney-Silver (Reno 911!), Christa Miller Lawrence (Scrubs), Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds), Alia Shawkat (Arrested Development)

And The Second Tier: Megan Mullally (Will & Grace), Alison Quinn (Sons & Daughters), Nicollette Sheridan (Desperate Housewives), Alfre Woodard (Desperate Housewives)

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy

Will Arnett, Arrested Development – So smarmy. So wonderful. I think I’ll miss him most of all.

Michael Cera, Arrested Development – Every season it becomes clearer what a comic genius this boy is. His timing and delivery are just insane. One of the millions of reasons why Arrested Development’s cancellation is so tragic is that we won’t get to see Cera continue to grow and shine. I think I’ll miss him most of all.

Tony Hale, Arrested Development – So loveable yet so deranged. I think I’ll miss him most of all.

John Krasinski, The Office – I’m so jealous that he got to kiss Pam, but if it couldn’t be me, I’m glad it was Jim. Krasinski can generate laughs with nothing but a sly look to the camera. Like Josh Radnor, he’s funny and sincere and likable and the perfect lead for a romantic comedy… who happens to be a supporting player in the crazy mundane world of The Office.

John C. McGinley, Scrubs – Isn’t it time the real Emmys noticed him? His performances in "My Lunch" and "My Fallen Idol" (the latter, with barely any dialogue), where Dr. Cox lost his groove, were among his best ever. Which is really saying something.

Runners-up: Bryan Cranston (Malcolm in the Middle), David Cross (Arrested Development), Donald Faison (Scrubs), Neil Flynn (Scrubs), Jeremy Piven (Entourage), Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development), Rainn Wilson (The Office)

And The Second Tier: Richard Burgi (Desperate Housewives), Terry Crews (Everybody Hates Chris), Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother), Sean Hayes (Will & Grace), Scott Patterson (Gilmore Girls)

Stay tuned for the Drama nominees…

Previously, on The Dish: If I Picked The Emmy Nominations 2005, If I Picked The Emmy Nominations, Vols. 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5

Crash and Burn

"In There Deep":

"It's the sense of touch... In L.A., nobody touches you... I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

So, Crash. Best Picture. That happened.

Unlike many people out there, I wasn't really upset. If anything, I was a little amused. I chose to look at it, not as Crash winning, but as Brokeback Mountain losing. I happen to think they're both pretentious, mediocre, ultimately vapid movies that have had way too much importance ascribed to them by people all-too-eager to see what they wanted to see – The Emperor's New Best Picture Nominees. So I was rooting for neither one to take home the prize. However, I knew that it was going to be one or the other, so I spent some time before the Awards debating which was the lesser (or should I say "greater?") of two mediocrities?

My biggest problem with Crash is that it fails to reflect the realities of racial tensions and the realities of the way that real people interact with one another in Los Angeles in the year 2005. A part of me wondered, as I left the theater, whether or not Haggis and co. actually intended to make a very hyper-real film – almost a satire. Yet, in all the undeserved praise I've heard lavished upon this movie – both from admirers and the people who made it – I think Haggis is just that divorced from reality (I'm not the first to point out that this was clearly foreshadowed by the horribly one-dimensional, stereotypical portrayal of a redneck family in his Million Dollar Baby).

My problems with Brokeback are manifold, but they primarily stem from my inability to buy that Jack and Ennis were in love. Maybe this is me applying my modern views or my urban views or my heterosexual views to a decidedly non-modern, non-urban and (debatably) non-heterosexual "love" story (I can't decide whether it's a very progressive thing or a very unprogressive thing that I've heard no uproar from the gay community that this "monumental" film was entirely written by, directed by and acted by heterosexuals). Maybe I was mislead by the pre-release hype (I really need to see it for a second time, knowing what to (and what not to) expect). Whatever the reasons, I just couldn't get invested emotionally in the film's central "love" story (or "lust story"). Aside from (or because of) that, I found the whole movie rather slow and tedious and redundant (much like its Academy Award-winning score). Throw in some truly atrocious, laugh-out-loud dialogue, embarrassing aging makeup and a bad Sling Blade impression, and well, no amount of pretty Canadian landscapes is gonna convince me this is the Best Picture of the year.

So, given the choice between a movie that doesn't work in relation to the real world (and may in fact do more harm than good) but does kinda work as a movie and a movie that has its heart in the right place but doesn't work (for me) as a movie, I'd have to give the Oscar to the movie that works (more or less) as a movie. More than that, if I were to be stranded on an island with only one of these two movies, I think I could bear more repeat viewings of Crash before taking my own life than of Brokeback. It just seems more "watchable."

And as insufferable (and inexplicable) as Crash fanatics are (what happened to Roger Ebert?), Brokeback's champions are even more self-righteous. It was like the second coming of The Passion of the Christ. A religious experience. I don't for a second question the sincerity of its adherents, though I do believe, as with The Passion, Brokeback served a severely underrepresented portion of the population and reflected a true dearth of something (be it Christianity or a gay romance) in the marketplace. In this non-Christian, non-gay's eyes, both audiences were so starved (and rightly so) for that something that they over-praised movies that didn't truly deserve it.

The thing that really bothered me was this pervasive attitude that attacking – or even not liking – this movie made one a homophobe. The same thing happened with critics of Schindler's List being called anti-Semitic or critics of The Passion being called anti-Christian. Sure, many of Brokeback's admirers were more tolerant than this, but as in most situations, the most vocal were the most extremist.

Granted, there were many people who hated this movie because they hate gays… but then, I feel confident in saying that most of them refused to even see the film before judging it. But in some people's eyes, someone like me, who was ready and willing to be wowed by this movie and wasn't wowed, is lumped in with crackpot homophobes like Ann Coulter. Sure, for a moment the company makes me question my position, but I think of it as like when Osama bin Laden came out to endorse John Kerry. I didn't like being on the same side as him, but I'd be damned if I was going to let him influence my vote one way or the other.

This "If you're not with us, you're against us" campaign vocalized by Brokeback fanatics continued after it lost Best Picture to Crash. Suddenly, the Academy (which had seen fit to bestow the most nominations of any movie this year on Brokeback, had nominated Capote for Best Picture, given Philip Seymour Hoffman an Oscar for playing a character who happened to be gay, nominated the even-gayer-than-Brokeback Transamerica for two awards) was filled with homophobes. That could be the only explanation possible for not voting for Brokeback (no word on if Munich and Good Night, and Good Luck were also too gay for the Academy).

Whispers abound that many (presumably older) voters refused to even see Brokeback because of its content. If that's true, then that's reprehensible and those voters should turn in their Academy memberships. If you can't (or won't) see all the films nominated (especially the five Best Picture nominees) you have no business voting (though I'm sure many voters every year fail to see all nominated films). That said, I wonder how many voters refused to see Munich because they heard it was favorable to terrorists or anti-Israel. Or how many suffered epileptic fits during the opening of Moulin Rouge! and failed to see it through to the end. Or how many popped out the tape of Pulp Fiction because of the language. Or the tape of Goodfellas because of the violence. Or how many died of boredom while watching Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. Again, none of this should forgive actual homophobes in the Academy who refused to screen the movie out of bigotry. I'm just suggesting that there's never a level-playing field when it comes to awards that are entirely based on subjective, personal tastes.

So, yeah, I took some joy in seeing the undefeated champ blowing it in the big game (now I know how all those Texas fans felt after the Rose Bowl – or to be more precise, how all those Bruins fans felt). Sure when I look back at the movie that won Best Picture in 2005 I'll be a little disgusted… but at least I'll have lots of company.

A Few Thoughts Before I Crash

How much did Jack Nicholson have to pay to get seated next to Keira Knightley?

Usually the previous year's Best Supporting Actress presents Best Supporting Actor, so where was Cate Blanchett? Sneaky that they replaced her with Nicole Kidman who was reportedly originally supposed to play Blanchett's Oscar-winning role in The Aviator. Which brings me to this odd bit of trivia: In the past two years, two of the voices Anthony Hopkins used to create his Oscar-winning portrayal of Hannibal Lecter have been immitated by actors also going on to win Oscars - Blanchett as Katharine Hepburn and Philip Seymour Hoffman as Truman Capote. Early bets for next year's awards should be on whoever plays HAL 9000 in a biopic.

The music underscoring acceptance speeches from the start? A horrible idea. Almost as bad as last year's presenting in the aisles fiasco.

When Jon Stewart made that Scientology crack, why didn't the cameras cut to a celebrated Scientologist like Academy Award-winner Paul Haggis or John Travolta? After all, they cut to Jamie Foxx whenever anybody said the word "black."

I can't wait to see Crash: The Musical live on stage! Though I have to say, without the (Academy Award-winning) nail-on-the-head dialogue, I had trouble understanding that racism is bad. However, that musical number was ridiculous and over-the-top and thus the perfect tribute to the (Academy Award-winning) film that inspired it. Also, I want to give an Emmy to whomever cut to the close-up of faux-(Academy Award-nominee)Matt Dillon finger-synching faux-Thandie Newton. That they can show on TV, but Taraji P. Henson had to sing "A whole lot of witches jumpin' ship?"

Speaking of the luminous (and tragically un-nominated) Taraji P. Henson, I was pleasantly surprised to see that she was brave enough to perform tonight (unlike Terrence Howard - who must've understandably had other things on his mind). Sadly, (Academy Award-winners) Three 6 Mafia's performance didn't do justice to the song and probably left everyone who hasn't seen Hustle & Flow wondering how it ever won Best Song. When "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" is performed in the movie, it's an exhilirating scene of inspiration and passion, surpassing even the great sequences in Ray and Walk the Line where the legends give birth to "Hit the Road Jack" and "Folsom Prison Blues" respectively. Those characters recite those lyrics with such intensity and emotion and rawness that the moment transcends the song itself. Even listening to Howard and Henson on the soundtrack, divorced from the visuals and context, the song doesn't sound half as good as it did in the theater. That shouldn't take away from its Oscar win (AP headlines to the contrary) - it's nice to see a song that's truly integrated into (and integral to) the movie (I believe the film school term is "diegetic") win as opposed to the end credit tack-ons that usually dominate this category. Still, unless I missed it (which is entirely possible), Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard thanked Jamie Foxx but neither Terrence Howard nor Taraji P. Henson to whom they truly owe their win (the official transcript thinks they said "George Clooney" and not "Jamie Foxx," but still no mention of Howard or Henson - except Howard is noted in their "SPECIAL ONLINE THANKS" section).

What was with all the montages? It's never been this bad or incoherent (and I'm usually a fan of the Chuck Workman Oscar montages). They just kept getting more and more random, culminating in the genre of "Movies That Look Good on the Big Screen (AND NOT DVD!!!)." But all was redeemed, when, during the "Important Issue Movies" montage they included a clip from the iconoclastic classic Day After Tomorrow! Man, Fox's marketing of that movie as a serious political statement about global warming really stuck! My theory is that they included it just so they could have a shot of water over-taking a city, followed by somebody saying something about the director of FEMA. Whatever the motivation, I was thrilled. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Network and The Day After Tomorrow... all woefully ahead of their times.

Wondering: When Larry McMurtry mentioned "The Golden Globes" in his speech, was that the first time those words had ever been uttered on the Academy's stage? I know they like to pretend they're the only game in town. Oh, and what kind of sedatives were he and Diana Ossana on?

As if Crash's wins weren't painful enough, we had to sit through the orchestra's awful, operatic rendition of "In the Deep" every time.

Academy Award-winner Paul Haggis' acceptance speech for Best Original Screenplay perfectly illustrated his writing style. "Bertolt Brecht said that art is not a mirror, but it is a hammer." So that's why - rather than accurately reflect real life and the way that real people really speak to one another and how subtle and veiled, yet none-the-less corrosive, racism really pervades our real society - he used a hammer to hammer his "message" into the heads of viewers. It's all so preclear now! Give this man an Oscar! Hell, give him two!

So Ang Lee thanked the fictional characters from his movie... but not the actors who played them? Whoops! Guess Academy voters weren't the only ones to snub Heath, Jake and Michelle tonight.

Ironic that in a year when the recurring theme seemed to be "Big Screen, Good. DVD, Bad," the Best Picture won thanks to blanketing all of Hollywood with shiny little discs.

Why wasn't Don Cheadle in attendance? Was he bitter that he wasn't listed as one of the nominated producers for Crash? Was he bitter that Matt Dillon got to molest Thandie Newton and get an Oscar nomination for it?

I've got more to say about Academy Award-winning Best Picture Crash, but it'll have to wait until I get some sleep.