Worst Award of the Night

Bucky Gunts for directing the opening ceremony of the Olympics.

Doesn't anybody remember how horrible NBC's coverage of that event was?

Congratulations Britney!

You and K Fed have outlasted Renee and Kenny!

It's tragic, really. Brought together by a tsunami, torn asunder by a hurricane*.

Anyway, congratulations Britney for outlasting somebody (this time). And for your brand new bundle of joy!


*I have no proof that they were in fact torn asunder by the hurricane. It could all just be a coincidence.

Blue Man Duo

Snap out of it!

Does Nicolas Cage only have one expression? Or is he just really depressed?

Is it because The Man was recently released without him in it, violating a cardinal rule of Hollywood? Or is it because the title Man of War was already sort of taken? Don't worry, Nic. You're still "The" "Man" in our eyes!

Define Irony

Isn't it ironic that Lynyrd Skynyrd (fronted by Kid Rock) performed "Sweet Home Alabama" while sharing the MTV React Now telethon bill with Neil Young?

For those who've never sung along with the song (or only know it from Bo Bice's rendition), its lyrics include the lines:

Well, I heard Mister Young sing about her
Well, I heard ole Neil put her down.
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
a southern man don't need him around anyhow.

Of course, right now, a southern man needs all the help he can get.

And maybe the pairing up is only as ironic as rain on your wedding day, as this site offers an interesting history of the song and those lines.

City of Emergency

Tyra Banks isn't the only one who needs a geography lesson.

Though in the grand scheme of things, I'd say it's probably a little more important that the Secretary of Homeland Security knows the difference between a city and a state than a supermodel.

Now, if they both confused anorexia and bulimia, I'd say that Trya should be the one resigning.

Kan ye Dig It?

In all the fuss about his most recent bout of televised paranoia, people seem to have forgotten that this isn't the first time Kanye West shared his opinion with the world on live TV:

The concept of AIDS alone -- my parents always told me ... that it's just a man-made disease in the first place that was placed in Africa just like crack was placed in the black community to break up the Black Panther party.

Well, if his parents say it, it must be true...

Whether you're here to defend or debunk West, why not give some money to those in need (and have this guy double it for you)?

Somebody Wire His Mouth Shut

Kanye West just went off the rails on the NBC telethon:

I hate the way they portray us in the meia. When you see a black family, it says they're looting. You see a white family, it says they're looking for food. And you know, it's been five days because most of the people are black. And even for me to complain about it, I would be a hypocrite because I've tried to turn away from the teacher... TV because it's too hard to watch. I've even been shopping before even giving a donation so now I'm calling my business manager right now to see what's... what is the biggest ammount I can give. And... and just to imagine, if I was... if I was down there and those are... those are my people down there, so anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can help with the... with the setup the way America is set up to help the uh... uh the poor, the black people, the uh... the less well-off as slow as possible. I mean this is... The Red Cross is doing everything they can. We... we already realize a lot of the people that could help are at war right now fighting another way, and they... they... they've given them permission to go down and shoot us.

Then, after standing like a deer in the headlights through all this, only occasionally gulping, Mike Meyers tries to get back on script. Anything else to add Mr. West?

George Bush doesn't care about black people.

For the first time, Meyers turns to look at West, then after a beat, starts to give the number to call to donate when the NBC editors cut to the voice of sanity: Chris Tucker.



Now, I understand that the prattle these presenters have to say on the telethons are usually rather bland. And I understand that emotions are running high and that West was speaking from his heart. And there's arguably some truth in what he said. But this was not the forum. A fundraising effort is not the place to alienate at least half the country. You'd think he'd have learned this after doing the same thing at the Live 8 concert, going off on his conspiracy theories. Or that we'd have learned.

Kanye West does not belong on live fundraisers.

Ray-incarnation

Apparently Jamie Foxx didn't get the memo, so, at the risk of sounding redundant:

You are still not Ray Charles!

Why are they trying to make it look like Jamie Foxx is singing the hook on Kanye West's "Golddigger" track when it, as USA Today states:

...features a Ray Charles sample along with Jamie Foxx ad-libbing as Ray Charles...

And yet, there was Foxx, lipsynching along at the VMAs, trying (and managing) to fool people into thinking he can sing like Ray Charles (he can sing well, just not like Ray Charles; if he could, would they have dubbed his singing in Ray?) in advance of his own album's release, as this review points out:

...West, who returned to the stage later with an electric performance of "Golddigger," thanks in large part to Jamie Foxx and the ease with which the actor/singer channels Ray Charles.

I don't remember Charles ever stripping off his shirt and running out into the crowd, so I guess by "channels" they mean "sings like". Oh well, if people believed that was him singing at the VMAs, I guess we should give him another Oscar.

When the original artist joins their sampler onstage at the VMAs, it can be cool. Sting alongside Puffy? Awesome! Chaka Kahn meets Kanye West? Okay. Kanye West singing with a Ray Charles impersonator? That's a Vegas act. Jamie Foxx isn't the next best thing to Ray Charles... he's a different thing.

But if you're going to persist in pretending to be a dead singer, at least go the extra mile and make a t-shirt like certain other VMA lipsynchers:

Iron-on is not the same as irony, R.

Double Your Monkey

Go ahead, pretend you don't care

Thinking of donating your money to the Red Cross? Can't afford to give as much as you'd like to? How'd you like to double your good karma without doubling the damage to your bank account?

Then I suggest donating through John Rogers' Kung Fu Monkey blog. He's very generously pledged to match any donations made through his site (might as well put those Cosby residuals to good use, right?).

After enjoying Rogers' blog for the last few months, I feel I owe him an apology for some comments I made here last summer. Then again, I "donated" eight dollars and 104 minutes of my life to Catwoman (which is more than he can say), so really, who owes whom?

So basically, I'll be donating through his site because I want to make him pay for making me sit through both The Core and Catwoman. And because I care.