Tuesday, November 16, 2004

A Night Without Armor II ?

Doing what she does best: Writhing... I mean, writing. Writing.

"Honeymoon Poem" by Britney Spears

A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.

I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.

I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.

We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.

As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.

A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!

Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.

Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.

Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!

As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!

~ Britney

I would love nothing more than for this masterpiece to truly be the work of our nation's posteminent Poet Illaureate, but alas, I'm skeptical. I have my reasons:

1) Why was this poem posted on the fansite britneyspears.org and not her official site, britneyspears.com?

2) In her most recent letter to her fans where she reports briefly on returning from her honeymoon, she seems to have taken to signing her missives simply "B," not "Britney."

3) I initially learned of this poem via IMDb News, always cause for doubt.

4) There just isn't that much poetic justice in the world.

5) Come on, that poem is sad, even by Britney Spears' ridiculously low standards.

Well, maybe not.

My theory is that this is just an overzealous piece of fanfiction crafted by some twelve year-old that was somehow mistaken for an authentic Britney communique. Regardless, Britney-haters everywhere seem to have no trouble believing this to be the work of Ms. Spears-Federline. I'm not sure if it's their simple trusting natures, wishful thinking or monumentally low opinion of her intelligence, but they are ridiculing her with abandon.

For her sake, I hope it turns out this ain't nothin' but a hoax.

For ours, I hope it's for real.

Then all she'll need is some guitar accompaniment from Anson Mount, and she'll have another hit single.


Blogger Alison said...

My Britney Haiku:

I hate Britney
She is skanky and dirty
Is she knocked up now?

November 17, 2004 9:07 PM  
Blogger The Pop Culture Petri Dish said...

I smell another Pop Culture Petri Dish contest.

November 18, 2004 12:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Night Without Armor II is by Beau Sia, not Britney Spears. ;) http://www.amazon.com/Night-Without-Armor-II-Revenge/dp/0966204298/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377226028&sr=1-1&keywords=0966204298

August 22, 2013 7:47 PM  

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