Friday, June 30, 2006

I've Created Luthor-ans!


Well, they are both bald...

Surely this casting mistake is the only thing off base in the CAP Movie Ministry's Christian analysis of Superman Returns, right?:
Superman Returns is also a tale of how Lex Luthor (Ben Kingsley), who is now out of prison, again plots and plans to destroy Superman and billions of humans in the process of acquiring -- you guessed it -- land.
Right?:
Isn't there an increasing trend in the prevailing centers of childhood development -- in public schools for example -- to teach that the only safe sex is no sex (not that the school has any business teaching kids about sex in the first place)? If true and if movies really do reflect real life instead of engineer it, shouldn't movies follow suit instead of conflict with it? But then, if movies did truly reflect real life and its apparent trend to teach abstinence, Superman Returns would probably not contain the cohabitation and pregnancy out of wedlock. Now, wouldn't that be a shame?

Even Christopher Moltisanti's not spacey enough to confuse these two

For a somewhat more (surprisingly) reasonable Christian reading of Superman Returns, check out the *gulp* American Family Association.

Previously, on The Dish: Superman-on-Man Love, (pop) Culture (a)War(d)s

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The NeverEnding Endings

Is it because The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King made so much money and won so many Oscars (including Best Adapted Screenplay!) that every big popcorn movie these days seems to have four to five endings? I'm looking at you, The Da Vinci Code and Superman Returns!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Middle American Graffiti


Everybody's a critic

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Monday, June 19, 2006

SpaceBar/Cowboy

Is Justin Timberlake's space bar broken? Or did will.i.am remove it?
The erstwhile 'N Syncer has announced plans to release his second solo effort, FutureSex/LoveSounds, via Jive Records on Sept. 12, with the first single, "SexyBack," going out to radio stations across the country July 7.
Maybe he was just looking for some way to differentiate his RandomFour/NounAlbum title from the Red Hot Chili Peppers' and Gwen. Stefani's.

Previously, on The Dish: Save Faris!

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Moms & Dads' Day

Well, June 10 came and went without incident, but June 12 is shaping up to be a magical day.

I was wondering why this site was suddenly getting hundreds of hits from people searching for information about Shane Klingensmith - that wonderous pre-boy bander who had it all: looks, dance moves, angelic voice. Turns out, Bravo's running a marathon of every episode of Showbiz Moms & Dads today from 1 to 7 pm! And since there's no DVD set in sight, I'll be recording every episode so that I can relive every uncomfortable moment.

But wait! There's more! Thanks to a heads up on the World of Wonder website (chock full of info about Showbiz Moms & Dads, Showdog Moms & Dads and Sports Kids Moms & Dads), I've learned that Oprah is re-running her sitdown with two of the Sports Kids Moms & Dads parents... TODAY! All hail June 12! (if only she were re-airing her chat with the Nutters!)

As for Shane (who readers of The Dish are obviously clammoring for information about), there's not too much news to report. When last we checked in with him, his website had been abandoned, but his loyal Street Team remained. Now, sadly, they too have gone missing:



And unlike other Moms & Dads alumni (and The Pop Culture Petri Dish), Shane has no MySpace profile. However, I did find two bits of old news to share with you.

First, in 2004, Shane was named Best Escort at the Miss Florida American Sweetheart Optional Pageant, for escorting his niece (and Top Semi-Finalist) Bethany Klingensmith.


Bethany Klingensmith and crown

Second, it appears Showbiz Moms & Dads executive producers Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato wanted to work with Shane again:
This year for our Christmas card we plan to dredge up an old Pop Tarts pop song, "Hot Christmas." Without boasting, it's a catchy ditty - in a completely toxic kind of way - with the chorus "I'm dreaming of a hot Christmas, c'mmon baby let's [beat] this christmas." It's suggestive in an innocent way. Mild double entendre, that kind of thing. So we think who better to sing this song than Shane Klingensmith who sang "Hot Hot Hot" in Showbiz Moms and Dads? Everything is going just fine until the manager intervenes:

I'm pretty sure it implies having sex, but I think instead of putting the single beat in there (where the word would be) it should be changed to something like "let's kiss this Christmas" or "let's light a fire this Christmas." Hopefully you understand what I'm saying

We reply:

We can't change the words of the song because that's the whole idea: KLet's blank this Christmas. Because it's just a beat, because no rude words are actually said, it's all up to people's imagination. And because no one is saying any rude words, it's really very innocent.

Doesn't make any difference. Everyone's afraid - even of innuendo.
Ah, what might've been...

Previously, on The Dish: Gotta Love The "Dunc Nut", Misses Mr. Klingensmith, After They Were "Stars", Retraction III

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

Superman-on-Man Love

According to Bryan Singer, Superman "is probably the most heterosexual character in any movie I've ever made." And after watching Superman II for the first time last night, I'm inclined to think Singer's Superman movie might not be the least heterosexual Superman movie ever made.

Two choice (and bizzaro) quotes from the man in blue tights' second caped escapade:
Lex Luthor (to a fellow inmate): I want my Liberace record back tonight.
And this odd exchange between an astronaut and ground control:
Nate: By the way, Boris and I are getting engaged.
Controller: I had a feeling about you guys when I saw your Rorschach tests.
Nate: Just a little down-home humor there, Houston.
Can somebody who was alive when this movie was made tell me: Are Rorschach tests how they could tell if you were gay before the advent of Coldplay?

Previously, on The Dish: A Little Less Super Bowl, Top Ten Rejected Titles for Brokeback Mountain


Because when I did a Google Image Search for "gay superman," this was better than any picture of Superman I could find

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Monday, June 05, 2006

No Castration Without Representation!

Less than four days after creating a MySpace page and The Pop Culture Petri Dish has already been censored by Tom (or Rupert Murdoch or whoever the Powers That Be are). Without any warning at all they took down one of MyPics:


One, two, three, four. I declare a thumb war!

Now, if they had bothered to e-mail me regarding any concerns over nudity, or even followed the link below the photo, I could've told them that this is not a picture of a penis, but rather Vince Vaughn's thumb (which happens to look very much like a penis).

Granted, the image does technically violate MySpace's Photo Policy, since it features celebrities and is copyrighted, but then, so do ten of the eleven pics that were (so far) permitted to remain up on MyMySpace page. Including, strangely, this other photo of Vince Vaughn's penis-thumb:


This one gets the thumbs up from MySpace?

So does MySpace just decide, willy nilly, to remove pictures of famous people's deformed digits? Or maybe one of MyNewfriends reported the image (Et tu, Jon Favreau?). Either way, I demand MyRight to bare thumbs! Does anybody know how I can plead MyCase to Tom?

Until then, I can take comfort knowing that when you Google "vince vaughn's ugly thumb" (as one reader apparently did earlier today) this site is the third one listed!

Previously, on The Dish: Be MyFriend, Two Thumbs Close-Up

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Friday, June 02, 2006

Educating Ratner

Listen up Brett Ratner: It's time for today's vocabulary lesson.
eve┬Ěry
adj.
1. Constituting each and all members of a group without exception.
And...
one
adj.

4. Being a single member or element of a group, category, or kind: I'm just one player on the team.
So, Brett, which of these words should you have used when you said:
"I feel sort of guilty, because I look up to guys like Spielberg, and I beat every record of his."
In this instance, you should've said one, seeing as how you only beat a single member of the group of Spielberg's records, and not each and all without exception. Because while you (and you alone, with no help from the comic book fanbase or the interest fostered by Bryan Singer's previous X-Movies) managed to beat Steven Spielberg's 9-year-old Memorial Day opening weekend record, there are still many members of the group of Spielberg's records that you did not beat.

For starters: The Lost World: Jurassic Park sold more tickets (thanks to inflation) over its Memorial Day weekend bow than X-Men: The Last Stand (and on fewer screens) and The Lost World had a bigger pre-Memorial Day Sunday (in actual dollars) than X-Men. Spielberg still holds the records for highest grossing director of all time (more than doubling his closest competitor and more than quadrupling Ratner), most movies to gross over $200 million (7 to Ratner's 1), most movies to gross over $100 million (13 to Ratner's 3), most directing Oscars won in the last 13 years (2 to Ratner's 0), most DGA Award nominations and wins ever, and the list goes on and on.

You'd think Ratner would give Spielberg his due, considering how Spielberg gave him a check that helped get him laid.

Previously, on The Dish: Retraction, Big Brother Vocab Lesson of the Week, Gross Negligence

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Be MyFriend



Hey kids! Now you can be The Pop Culture Petri Dish's friend!

As part of our continuing biennial celebration, we now have a MySpace profile (all the cool blogs are doing it). Check it out! Add The Dish as your friend! Don't be Shy! I swear, I won't bombard you with annoying bulletins about what the last thing I ate was or my favorite color.

And don't be fooled by my age. Apparently, MySpace won't let two-year-olds sign up so I had to pretend to be 26. I hope that doesn't scare away the online predators...

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