Thursday, June 30, 2005

The Enemy of My Enemy is My Enemy

God bless ABC. The Alphabet net has bridged the rather sizable gap between the ultra-conservative Family Research Council and the ultra-uh... gay Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation:

"Regardless of how things turn out at the end of the last show, it's dangerous to let intolerance and bigotry go unchallenged for weeks at a time," he said, adding that GLAAD hopes a revised version might air.

Before ABC announced its decision, the Family Research Council said it was worried evangelicals would be made to appear judgmental and foolish.

The American Broadcasting Company: Uniting, not Dividing. Might I suggest they set the next season of Welcome to the Neighborhood in The West Bank? They could win the Nobel Peace Prize and the Emmy!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Passion of the Cruise

Just saw an unintentionally hilarious Hitachi ad on TV.

A deep, booming voice proclaims super-seriously:

"Tom Cruise... Steven Spielberg... War of the Worlds... They are passionate about movies... and so is Hitachi."

Of course, the choice of words is a tad unfortunate given some of Mr. Cruise's recent statements.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I'd Like to Spank the Academy

"Hey, look. I'm a top exemplar in my respective area. Take that, Saget!"

Finally! Joel Zwick has been invited to join The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. That's right -- all this time he's been excluded from their elitist little club, if you can believe it.

We're talking about the director of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Fat Albert, something called Second Sight (starring John Larroquette and Bronson Pinchot) and... well, those are the only movies he's directed, but he did a bunch of classic TV shows like Perfect Strangers, Family Matters, Step By Step, Full House, Kirk, Meego (that's two Bronson Pinchot series and one movie for those of you keeping track...) and Two of a Kind (...and two Olsen Twins shows) as well as a straight-to-DVD movie due out in August (apparently the explosive combo of Kim Basinger, Sean Astin, Billy Ray Cyrus, Angie Dickinson, Pat Morita, Denise Richards and, uh, Tom Hanks wasn't enough to attract theatrical distribution)!

All I have to say is it's about damn time, Academy!

Friday, June 24, 2005

Joe Squared

If you're like me, you've longed to see original Joe Schmo Matt Kennedy Gould go head to head with original Joe Millionaire Evan Marriott.

Now our dreams are coming true.

Throw in a little nutty Duncan Nutter for flavor, and well, this just might be the greatest thing to happen to television since... I'm drawing a blank.

War of the Cruises

Apparently, the late-night guest bookers at CBS have a sense of humor. Tune into The Late Show with David Letterman to see the latest antics of Tom Cruise, then stick around to see what his first ex Mimi Rogers has to say about everything on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson! Brilliant.

By the way, I'm not the only one who remembers his last visit with Dave. Cruise himself brought it up tonight and even used the words "lost it" to describe his "line charge" last summer.

And for what it's worth, the ex-Mrs. Cruise told Craig categorically that her former husband has never not been straight.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Short But (Hopefully) Sweet

It looks like War of the Worlds is going to be the first Spielberg film to clock in at under two hours since Always in 1989. It would've been longer, but they had to cut Tom Cruise's love scene with the sofa to secure a PG-13.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Insane Man 2

Definitely a schmuck. Definitely.

I don't feel the need to report every "star" sighting, but once in a while, one occurs that's just too good to keep to myself (of course, I would've been a lot more satisfied about my brush with infame if I hadn't just read about TVgasm hitting the motherlode - those lucky bastards).

Thanks to the cosmic fates that exist within the Arclight Cinemas' assigned seating generator, when I showed up for tonight's screening of Rain Man, I was seated right next to one of the most despicable, infamous Reality "stars" ever (and his lovely wife): Jonathan Baker (and Victoria Fuller). That's right, I was next to them for about three hours, images of him shoving her in Berlin replaying over and over in my head (again some of the sting was removed by those jerks at TVgasm who lessened my utter loathing and disgust for Jonathan with their Vaseline-coated sit-down last week).

Nothing much to report (he didn't shove her once and he resisted the urge to call her a retard during the film), though he did laugh pretty hard when Tom Cruise discovered Dustin Hoffman's "Serious Injury List" -- perhaps that's an inside joke between him and Victoria.

And speaking of crazyMr. Cruise... this is the first time I've watched one of his movies since he began his public meltdown. And I have to say, I don't like what it did to my enjoyment of the film. Every time his character got super-serious and intense and self-righteous, I flashed to his appearance on Access Hollywood. And every time he got excited and physical, I flashed to his appearance on Oprah. At this point, I can't even imagine watching Jerry Maguire, what with all the bathroom wall-kicking and jumping up and down while professing his love for black people. If he ruins War of the Worlds for me, I will be very upset. And you've never seen me very upset.

Monday, June 20, 2005

What Do Britney and Saddam Have in Common?

"I loves me some Cheeters"

A love of heavily-processed powdered cheese.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

If They Could See Him Now

Remember when Kathie Lee had a TV show and she would talk incessantly about her glorious child, Cody?

Well, I'm not ashamed to admit I was watching Teen Kids News when I heard one of the freakishly abnormal correspondents (this is what the creepy children in horror movies grow up to be) referred to as "Cody Gifford" -- surely this couldn't be the spawn of Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford?

Except it is. And his dog is named "Regis".

Friday, June 17, 2005

Can't Handle The Un-Truth

Couldn't find a beard?

I suppose I should comment on the "engagement" heard 'round the world.

The whole thing reminds me of that Scrubs episode where the Janitor pretends to be his own twin brother. Nobody buys it, and he knows that nobody is buying it, but he refuses to give up the charade, escalating the deception with ever-more desperate and pathetic moves. Finally he concedes:

Okay, I don't know what I thought was gonna happen, but I think we can all agree that this isn't working out, it's costing me a tremendous amount of time and effort, so let's just call it a draw.

Problem is, TomKat has passed the point of no return. David Poland expresses my personal sentiments exactly. But don't worry... The Dish is placing no such moratorium on TomKat "news". Without them, there'd have been nothing to post about since April.

Oh, and I love IMDb's assessment:

The 42-year-old actor and Holmes, 26, have been plagued by accusations their romance is a publicity stunt, because both stars have movies released this month - Cruise stars in War of the Worlds, while Holmes is in Batman Begins. But Cruise put an end to the rumours today, by asking Holmes to marry him on the top of the Eiffel tower, during a romantic holiday in Paris, France.

Yes, the rumours that this is all a publicity stunt have been put to rest forever. Well played, TomKat. Well played.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

It all Begins to make sense now...

...why Katie is Tom's soul mate and not Nicole.

In Batman Forever, Nicole (whose real life mother is a psychologist) played Dr. Chase Meridian, a criminal psychologist bent on psychoanalyzing Batman. Thanks in part to their therapy sessions, her Batman (Tom's wingman) is able to put the crazy Riddler in the asylum where he belongs.

In Batman Begins, Katie (whose real life father is a lawyer) plays Rachel Dawes, a district attorney skeptical of a criminal psychologist's expert testimony and diagnoses. Her Batman has to stop that criminal psychologist from seriously overmedicating the people of Gotham with some psychotropic toxins.

Read into that what you will...

Monday, June 13, 2005

A Close Shave

Geraldo Rivera's mustache is safe!

I think I speak for all of America when I say, "Phew!"

"Lucas. Why'd it have to be Lucas?"

Please, Steven, I beg of you, in the name of all that is good and holy, don't spill the beans. The consequences are too dire:

Steven Spielberg was coy when asked about the plot for the upcoming fourth installment in the Indiana Jones franchise at the Tokyo debut of his latest film, War of the Worlds, the Associated Press reported. "If I did that, my really good friend and collaborator would have me on a silver platter," Spielberg told the AP, referring to co-producer George Lucas. "I gotta be careful because if I tell you that, he might take over directing Indy 4 himself. And I won't have a job."

Dude, it's June...

The Oscars were in February. Give it a rest already.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Misses Mr. Klingensmith

After renewed interest in Shane Klingensmith, I decided to check in and see how the little fella was doing. Lo and behold, when I went to his official website, I found that he is no longer master of his domain. Are times so tough at the Klingensmith household that they can no longer afford the $8.95 a year registration fee? They could've made that and more by selling just one T-Shirt (you can still buy one here, but something tells me the money's not going to Shane). Even the good people at Shane Klingensmiths Official Street Team don't know what happened to his site.

Shane! Come back, Shane!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Spousal Abuse Has Never Been Funnier... or Hotter!!!

Mr. and Mrs. Smith is the most fun I've had in a theater since Kill Bill, Vol. 1. Just about every second of this movie worked for me*.

I could've predicted that David Poland (a man who's views I respect, but often disagree with)would respond otherwise. He eviscerated Kill Bill, the Charlie's Angels movies and Ocean's Eleven -- all movies that are admittedly heavier on style than substance, but all movies I enjoyed immensely. But if you didn't have fun at any of those movies, you should probably skip Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

*The only part that didn't work was the obviously truncated sex scene. This has nothing (well, little) to do with prurience or tabloid curiousity or the desire to see the two hottest human beings on the planet copulate... it's just that it feels truncated. The intensity builds up so much to that moment, and given where the characters are at in their arc, it wouldn't have been gratuitous - it would've enriched their journeys. And it would've been a sex scene like none we've seen before. According to IMDb, it was trimmed for a PG-13, which may very well be the motivation behind it, but it seems just as likely to me as overreaction to the tabloid shenanigans that supposedly killed Proof of Life and Gigli (nevermind that they were abysmal films). What a shame. Hopefully there will be an unrated version released on DVD.

And the Winner is... Synergy!

Even though they're supposedly voted on by the fans, doesn't it seem a bit... convenient that the Golden Popcorn was handed out to a Paramount movie in every category in which one was nominated (with the exception of Best Kiss and Best Action Sequence -- where Team America was robbed)? On top of that, they gave the created-just-for-him MTV Generation Award to Paramount's favorite son, Tom Cruise (who's a little long in the snaggletooth to be considered part of the MTV Generation, even if his "girlfriend" is not).

Mad props though to the set designer and whoever scheduled Hilary Duff to immediately follow Lindsay Lohan's big win for Best Female Performance. Oh, and any awards show where Leonardo DiCaprio finally gets to beat Jamie Foxx is more than all right in my book.

But I have to ask, why was Sandra Bullock conspicuously presented letterboxed every time the camera cut away to her in the audience, even when nobody else was?

It's not like she's Lawrence of Arabia...

...or even Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Indecision 2005

It's too late for people in the Eastern half of the country, but the rest of us have a "Sophie's Choice" of sorts to make:

Do we watch Tom Cruise on Leno or Russell Crowe on Letterman?

The lover or the fighter? The Cruiser or the bruiser? The Top Gun or the Gladiator? Batman or Cinderella Man?

Which one's damage control will be more entertaining/humiliating? I'm hedging my bets and saying that Crowe will be more entertaining and Cruise will be more humiliating, but it could go either way.

It's times like this I hug my TiVo.

Seeing Double Features

Box Office Mojo has posted new release dates, and there are some interesting match-ups coming soon to a theater near you*

*All dates are subject to (and likely will) change.

Coke Diet


Uh, Lindsay, you've got something under your nose...


"I represent the Lollipop Guild"

Coke. It does a body good.

Keeping Up With The Fockers

At least Fox is casting a wider net than Universal did.

So Mr. and Mrs. Smith should make, like, a thousand times as much money as Meet the Fockers, right?

Monday, June 06, 2005

Reach Out and Thrash Someone

To paraphrase Austin Powers: "Who throws a phone?"

Apparently, they do.

Separated at birth?

Saturday, June 04, 2005


If this blog was about politics, I would totally post about this:

Please keep your Bush puns to yourself

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Happy (Belated) Blogoversary to Me

I wish for world peace. And a second season of Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.

It's been one year (and three days) since this blog was launched. Posts have at times been sporadic or even non-existent, but still, I've kept this up a hell of a lot longer than any journal I've ever attempted.

As I noted in that inaugural post, I was new to the whole blog scene and had yet to explore what was out there. I learned a lot by surfing and have been inspired by many other sites (check the Blogs I Blog links).

Perusing the Archives, there have been some significant changes since those early days. In the first couple months, I did a lot of reviews. Now The Dish is more for commentary on pop culture "news" and events as well as the occasional "did you catch that?" observation.

Also on that fateful night last May, I wondered how and if this blog would find an audience. I'm amazed at the number of hits this page has received, even if 99% of the hitters were searching for this relatively tame picture of Britney Spears. The Dish has been linked to by some very click-worthy blogs and even (barely) snuck onto some random craigslister's list of the Ten Best Entertainment Blogs on the Whole Entire Internet! On top of that, I started a one-sided blog war with my very own impostor.

What does the next year hold in store for The Dish and its loyal adherents? Only time, L. Ron Hubbard and Britney Spears' wedding planner know for sure. But if you're good, maybe the Second Annual American Trainwreck Awards will actually get off the ground.

Thanks for reading,
The Pop Culture Petri Dish